Leave Out All The Rest
by melonhed85
Summary: Songfic based off of Linkin Park's song Leave Out All The Rest. Mainly Kakashi's inner turmoil set during the time break. kakairu


Title: Leave Out All The Rest

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: don't own Naruto

Summary: this is a songfic from linkin parks song leave out all the rest. I thought I'd try an angsty dark one-shot.

Beta: antimatterannihilation

Leave Out All the Rest

He was once again standing at the memorial staring at the familiar names. The weather seemed to mimic his mood, dark swirling clouds with the threat of rain. However, he wouldn't mind the rain; maybe it would wash away his faults. Normally he would visit to talk to Obito and Sensei updating them on his life and on goings but today, it was different. It seemed that his mistakes were piling up even more. He failed Obito by letting him die under his command. He wasn't able to stop the Kyuubi and his sensei from sacrificing himself. He abandoned Rin by joining ANBU and was not there to protect her. Now he could add the disbandment of his first and only genin team. He failed Sasuke by not keeping him in the village. He failed Naruto and Sakura by allowing Sasuke to leave and destroy their team. Naruto then took off under the guidance of Jiraya and Sakura with Tsuande. They were probably better off that way. Under their care, he wouldn't be able to destroy their lives further than he already had. It seemed that everything he touched just fell apart in the end. Maybe he should just tell Iruka to stay away, that it wasn't worth it to be involved with him. It would just turn out badly based off his track record.

This was all brought on by a dream he had just woken up from shaking covered in sweat, not that it wasn't creeping up on him anyways. He didn't normally dream which was why it disturbed him even more. In his dream, he ended up being killed just inside the forests of Konoha. It was also odd in the way that after he died he hovered over his own body watching and waiting for Konoha to realize that he wasn't home yet and to come looking. Granted he was usually late all the time but he knew they would figure it out. No one came. Weeks passed in his dream and still no one showed up. It was quite depressing. The dream then shifted so that he was floating in Konoha around the hokage tower. Shinobi were passing all around acting as if nothing had happened, happy and carefree. Curious he floated up to the hokage's office. There he saw three ANBU giving a report to Tsunade.

"We were unable to find him. We have determined that he did not make it home this time."

"Damnit. I just lost one of my best shinobi."

_'That was a little cold,'_ Kakashi thought.

"We need to hold a funeral."

Barely anyone showed up and almost no one shed a tear, except Sakura. Nor did it rain, of course. No one mourned him.

_'Is this really all I'm leaving behind? Was this all my life amounted too? Where's Iruka? Why did Tsunade not tell him?'_

Then he woke sweating, shaking, and feeling a need to visit the memorial stone.

What was he really leaving behind? Sure, he was the sharigan Kakashi copy Nin, a legend, but legends fade. Especially with all the mistakes in his life who would want to remember him. Would anyone truly be sad that he was in fact gone?

Iruka immediately knew something was wrong when Kakashi actually entered through his door instead of the window. It was something unheard of.

Seeing Iruka was already sitting Kakashi toed off his sandals and crossed the living room to sit across from Iruka in the chair.

"We need to talk," Kakashi said not looking at Iruka.

"What's wrong?"Asked Iruka concerned. He knew Kakashi just got back from a bad mission, but he never really acted like this. His stomach started to twist in knots in impending doom.

"We can't do this anymore," Kakashi said solemnly.

"What are you talking about? Why?" sadly Iruka questioned.

"I can't do this to you. I can't fail you too and add another mistake in my life. Its better this way," spoke Kakashi. "Trust me I can't drag you down too. I couldn't bear it if I did. Please just let me go and keep the good memories before I destroy those too."

Kakashi stood up to go while Iruka just sat there in stunned silence as tears slowly made their way down his cheeks. _'Damnit. That's what this about. Kakashi you idiot!'_

Immediately after leaving Iruka, Kakashi popped in the hokage's office unannounced.

"I want a mission. Don't care how long or difficulty," Kakashi demanded.

"Excuse me brat, I do have a door," Tsunade stated. She eyed him warily, it wasn't like him to come demanding missions. Something was off, but she did need him. Hopefully she wouldn't come to regret sending him off. "Ok brat, here's one it should only take a week. It's an assassination. Do it quietly and quickly no one else but the target dies."

"Done," taking the scroll Kakashi disappeared inn whirl of leaves and smoke.

"Shizune get me Iruka! NOW!" Tsunade screamed from her office.

"You called hokage-sama?" bowed a puffy-eyed Iruka.

"Yes. What is going on with the brat? He just poofed in here demanding a mission," stated Tsunade.

"He just left me," replied Iruka quietly.

"The brat did what? What is going through that head of his?" Tsunade demanded.

"He thinks that will drag me down with him and add to his list of mistakes. I believe the disbandment of his team is affecting him more than he let on."

"Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have sent him out. Don't worry Iruka when he gets back we will be having a chat. I honestly don't think that he wants to leave you. Your good for him just stay strong."

"Thank you hokage-sama," Iruka bowed again and left.

His mission wasn't a complete failure. He did manage to kill the target but doing it quietly didn't quite work out the way it should have. Currently 3-4 ninja guards were chasing him and it wasn't looking too good. He was already suffering from several injuries from a broad sword and the beginnings of chakra depletion. _'Shit shit shit!' _He had to get away.

A few kunai and more charka depletion later Kakashi was limping his way through the forest. He barely managed to kill or severely wound his pursuers, but he also sustained more injuries to his back and upper thighs that wanted to continue bleeding. Now he could add blood loss to his growing list of problems. He would be lucky if he could make it back to the main gate alive.

_'Talk about irony. My dream is becoming reality. I guess I really will never be able to rectify my mistakes.'_ Unable to continue moving Kakashi had propped himself up against a tree about halfway through the forest. At least he had a good view of the sky from where he sat. _'I did manage to let Iruka down. Great.'_ Kakashi quickly performed a set of seals and poof Pakkun appeared before him.

"Hey boss. Shit what the hell did you do?"

"Just tell Iruka I'm sorry," Kakashi barely managed to whisper through the coughing.

"Boss, I should get you a medic! Not talk to Iruka."

Kakashi was already passed out from blood loss and charka depletion unable to hear Pakkun.

A cold nose woke him up. It took all he had not to drive his hidden kunai through the pug on his chest. Realizing it was Pakkun he immediately bolted out of bed.

"Where is he?" asked Iruka.

"On deaths doorstep about halfway through the forest directly south from here, he sent me to tell you he's sorry." Pakkun said.

"Damnit Kakashi! Pakkun can you go tell the hokage I'm going to help him and to send medic-nins after me?"

"Sure thing." Pakkun said before disappearing.

_'Don't you fucking die on me now Kakashi!'_ Iruka thought.

There was pain but there wasn't supposed to be any pain. Carefully he tried to open his eye only to be blinded by white light that hurt. Slowly he tried to move his limbs. They didn't really want to move but they worked and there seemed to be something in his hand. He opened his eye again this time but only a crack. There were two tan hands clasped over his. Attached to those hands was Iruka. Reality hit him. He was alive and was in the hospital. _'Shit.'_ It would have been better for them to have just left him to die. He would have to have a talk with Pakkun about taking orders. He thought he had only said to tell Iruka that he was sorry not to send a rescue party.

"Iruka, what are you doing here?" asked Kakashi wincing at how his voice rasped.

"Oh thank god you're awake," said Iruka completely ignoring the question. "I'll be right back I have to get Tsunade, I promised her I would get her if you woke up." With that, Iruka squeezed Kakashi's hand and walked out the door.

_'Did he not hear him? Iruka shouldn't be here. He can't allow himself to drag him down even more than he already had.'_ Kakashi thought before Tsunade walked into the room.

"Hey brat, it looks like you finally woke up," said Tsunade. "You really had us worried this time. What the hell were you thinking?"

Kakashi snorted and looked away.

"Don't give me that. Everyone's been worried about you. This time we weren't sure you would wake up. You had severe blood loss and almost complete chakra depletion."

"Then you should have just left me," mumbled Kakashi.

"If you weren't so bedridden you ass would have been kicked to the other end of Konoha. Don't you fucking talk like that," Tsunade's anger started rising. She was not going to put up with this failure bullshit. "You are going to stay here for another 2 weeks to recover. I have two ANBU guarding so don't even try to escape."

Kakashi snorted again.

"You also have a few things to talk over with Iruka. Considering that, you have no place to go and he has hidden your Icha Icha you have no excuse not to talk. Trust me I will know if you don't," stated Tsunade. "Iruka come tell me if anything changes."

"Yes hokage-sama," replied Iruka bowing.

Tsunade left quietly shutting the door. A very quiet and awkward silence filled the room and neither shinobi really looking at each other.

"You shouldn't be here. Why did you come?" asked Kakashi again.

"I'm here because you nearly got yourself killed. I love you and care about you. Why wouldn't I be here?" said Iruka with a slight edge in his voice.

"I told you that this wouldn't work and to let me go," stated Kakashi.

"When do I really do what you say? I know you don't mean it."

"I'm serious about this Iruka. I'm not good for you; you'll just get hurt or your life destroyed just by being associated with me. Just let me go," pleaded Kakashi.

"No. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I have no idea where you are getting this crazy notion that you are going to ruin my life," said Iruka starting to get angry.

"I've failed everyone Iruka. Obito, Rin, Sensei, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. I couldn't take it if you were added to that list. I'm not strong enough. There are you happy? I'm just not strong enough. I couldn't protect my team and I couldn't keep my genin team together. Everything gets destroyed. I'm not you, I can't just put on a happy face every day. I've done too much, made too many mistakes."

"None of those things was your fault. No one could have stopped Sasuke from leaving. It was his decision. Naruto and Sakura are doing fantastic due to you. They understand the true meaning of being a shinobi. As for your team, I can't say anything, as I wasn't there. Nevertheless, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything. People make mistakes, but they learn from them. Hell my life isn't perfect." Iruka stated.

"But you're stronger Iruka. I'm not, I just can't add anymore mistakes."

"You're going to make a bigger one if you decide to fully leave me. Why are you so hung up on this? You need to start forgiving yourself and move on." Iruka demanded.

Kakashi just laid there. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to stop this nonsense of leaving me and let me in. Tell me what's really going on and let me help you. You shouldn't be carrying all of this by yourself. And I want you to stop blaming yourself for everything. It's not healthy."

That left Kakashi a bit stunned and quiet. He didn't understand why Iruka was trying so hard to convince him not to leave. Why would anyone want to still be with him when everything has gone wrong? He obviously wasn't strong enough to fully protect those that he loved, yet Iruka didn't care.

"So what's it going to be Kakashi? I'm not leaving here until I get a straight and honest answer from you,' Iruka said sternly. He was completely over this. Kakashi just needed to stop this self-loathing and learn to forgive himself.

"I didn't want to be forgotten when I died. I didn't want to be remembered by all the mistakes I've made in my life. I also didn't want to add new ones to the list. It would have been better if I just didn't attach myself to anyone. What am I really leaving behind? Failure."

Iruka mentally sighed; Kakashi gave in, now he would find out what was really going on his boyfriends head. This was a start.

"Kakashi your whole life hasn't been failure," Iruka said gently.

"Would you miss me if I died?" Kakashi asked so quietly Iruka almost missed it.

Stunned Iruka wasn't able to respond right away. How could Kakashi even ask that? "Of course I would. I love you Kakashi. Having you almost dead tore me apart."

Kakashi finally looked at Iruka in the eyes unable to believe his ears. Had he heard that right? Iruka would miss him? "Really?"

"Yes. So would have the village. I know Naruto would probably go on rampage trying to get revenge for whatever happened and Sakura would be right behind. Kakashi you have a lot of friends who care about you deeply and would be devastated if you never came back."

Once again, Kakashi sat in stunned silence. He had friends that really cared about him.

"You didn't look around your room did you?" asked Iruka with a small grin on his face.

Kakashi glanced around the room. The bedside tables held cards, flowers, and little notes from his friends and team wishing him a speedy recovery and Narutos case a threat if he didn't. He didn't know what to say.

"See! People care about you, a lot. You need to start caring about yourself."

"I'm not strong enough," Kakashi said sadly.

"Thats ok I will help you," replied Iruka walking over and sitting on the bed. He took Kakashi's hand and gave it a gentle kiss.

* * *

a/n: in my lj i have the lyrics to this song posted but according to the rules here i cant do that. so if your curious just google the song or hop on over to my lj which is under the same name as it is here. original i know. also those of you reading my other story The RA sorry about the delay for the next chapter. i have a bit of a writers block at the moment and i didnt help that i had to move this month. but now i have my own apt for me and my cats.


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